It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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