Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
