It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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