Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
