We're like a lot better than the average bears
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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