Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
