it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
