dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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