I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
