a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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