Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
