maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My ATM looks so different sober.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
