Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
