she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize