he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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