I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
