some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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