Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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