I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
