Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
