Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize