I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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