oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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