When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
