I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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