That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
