THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize