He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
