the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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