Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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