it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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