I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
