We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
did you just send me my own nude
Randomize
