I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
