i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
