You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
