we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
