She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
