By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
