She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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