yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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