When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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