Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize