I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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