i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
