How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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