I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
