apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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