just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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