Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
