Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
