four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
