well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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