if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
