Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
