apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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