Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
