census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
