don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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