Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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