i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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