I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
