While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
