Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize