She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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