He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
