no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
