She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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