We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
