Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
