You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so let's talk penis.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
