HIV tests are more positive than that guy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
