does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
