it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
