I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
