I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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