whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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